Rebecca St. Martin

A Poem for J

2012-01-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
dear j, you are just i with a little backward tail.
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
...but o how you've encircled me...
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
...and x-ed me out.
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
i know U better now because of the curve that contains
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
all of the empty space inside
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
and because it starts Up...
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
...even at the end of yoU.
jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj

Examination of FAITH, KNOWING, HOPE, TRUST, WANT, WISH

2011-03-31T12:48:00.000-07:00

I've been examining these concepts for awhile now and am interested in how other people think about them...I'd love to revise based on my new understandings. So make me a liar, find me the holes -- I won't be offended.

Any other terms you think might be interesting to play with in this realm of investigation and human-truth seeking? POST!

------------------------------------------

FAITH demands no proof, exists outside the realm of proof. It's strictly spiritual and personal. It is believing something without question or doubt. It is absolute. (e.g. Everything will be okay. Such and such WILL happen.)

KNOWING is a worldly experience. Knowing is mental and not spiritual. It involves facts -- something that can be agreed upon through repeated experimentation and objectivity. (e.g. scientific knowing: I know when I let go of this pencil, it will drop to the floor because of gravitational force. e.g. personal knowing: I know that I like chocolate because every time I taste it, I am pleased.)

HOPE involves some worldly experience (senses, science, measurement, history, personal history) -- enough proof and enough doubt to keep us from faith. (e.g. I hope my husband isn't cheating on me. He has these certain behaviors which make me believe that he's cheating...but I can't be sure, I don't have all the facts.")

TRUST is faith built on worldly experiences and is personal and scientific. (e.g. personal trusting: I have seen John behave in a certain way enough times under certain circumstances that I can expect that John will behave the same way again under those same/similar circumstances. My friend has betrayed me by doing x,y,z; therefore, my trust has been breached. e.g. scientific trusting: I don't trust this plank to support me walking on it because the wood is flimsy and bends when I step on it; i've stood on flimsy things before and I have fallen.)

WANT is something that comes from our humanity (mind, body and emotion), something we long for, something we *will* to achieve, something ego-based/selfish. Wanting often creates action toward achievement of an outcome/result. (e.g. I want my grandmother to heal from cancer"...so I start looking up remedies and treatments. I want my husband to hug me more often or initiate fun things to do. I want to learn Japanese so I can feel smarter or so I can visit the country and communicate effectively.) Wants are a means to an end.

WISH is something that we want to magically appear/happen, but have no energy to put any effort into it or feel/know we have no control over. (e.g. I wish my grandmother would live forever. I wish I would win the lottery. I wish she wouldn't judge me so harshly. I wish for world peace/domination. ;) I wish I had a hamburger RIGHT NOW.

The Meaning of VAL-

2011-03-07T19:25:00.000-08:00

Question:

- How can we obtain and sustain meaningful, long-lasting relationships without access to other-validation?

Word Unit: val- valid-, vale-, -vail, -valent, -valence

Latin Meaning: valere, to be strong, to be well, to be worth; strong; power, strength; and "fare well" [go with strength]

Words (Common): valid, validate, valor, availabie, evaluate. equivalence, prevail, prevalent, convalescent, ambivalent, valentine, valient, invaluable/value/devalue/overvalue/undervalue. Valentine?

Source: http://wordinfo.info/units/index/V

Thoughts/Lessons/Experiences:

- When we are validated, others express our value to them. Conversely, when we validate others, we express our value in them.

- When we self-validate ("I am good at x." or "I can y." or "I place a z quality or value or positive judgement on myself."), we are both strengthening ourselves and reclaiming our own sense of worth -- but only in our own minds in order to regulate negative emotions. Our own minds are a separation from the rest of the world's experience of us. Self-validation is a self-preservation/self-defense mechanism and not always aligned with other's perceptions of us -- whether their perceptions are accurate or not.

Recent Expressions Delivered to Me:

Volo, non valeo. -- I am willing but unable.

Vale. -- Goodbye.

Aeternum vale. -- Farewell forever.

Vive valeque, -- Live and be well.

Ambivalence, Ambivalency

1. Behavior resulting from two incompatible motivations, often taking the form of a mixture of the two motivational tendencies.

2. The presence of two opposing ideas, attitudes, or emotions at the same time.

3. A feeling of uncertainty about something due to a mental conflict.

---------------------------------------

Human Values (what humans value), according to one man that appeal to me:

http://www.drhu.eu/publications/2009-ICAIT-BeyondL-ValuesAcrossTheVirtualAndTheReal/img/image002.png

The Value of Love, Respect, Trust, Communication of one man that appeal to me:

http://www.kairoer.com/?q=my_values

Christy's Prompt / My Challenge:

Southwest Airlines has three values:

A Warrior Spirit

A Servant’s Heart

A Fun-LUVing Attitude

"WHAT ARE YOURS?"

The Values I Posted to Christy's Prompt

Personally: True Love, Meaningful Work, Life-long Learning/Adventurous Spirit.

Business (Meaningful Work): Conscientious Decision-Making (People, Planet/Profit), Equal Energy Exchange, Caring & Creative Atmosphere.

What I want to believe again:

Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est.

Life is not [just] to live, but life is to be strong, vigorous.

Life is more than merely staying alive.

Thanks

Prompted by conversation with Jo Baer, challenge by Christy Morell-Stinson, meeting with Amy Engenberger, ongoing struggle with the value of DBT and other self-help systems with Leslie Scaramuszzo.

About Passionate Topics

2011-03-07T19:16:00.000-08:00

About Passionate Topics, originally posted Thursday, February 3, 2011 to FB

It amazes me that when we communicate passionately about a topic, it almost doesn't matter what the topic is! that there is some raw, human truth in the mix that is hidden there for everyone. And this is one of those communications.

Thanks for the inspiration, Sisters:

Written by Sasha Diez

Copyedited by Rebecca St. Martin

Contributed by Sarah Rose

---------BEGIN--------

Being [this way] again makes me feel a certain kind of pressure. Every moment people asking when ["this"] or if ["that"]. Having to ... ________ ... and not ____________. I feel this pressure to please others or to be..."normal".

My first experience was so unfortunate. And although [it turned out positively,] I feel this experience that [others] should have was taken away from me with no choice.

Some argue telling me that it doesn't matter or I should let it go. Or some just don't care to understand what that would feel like.

I am pretty proud of the things I have done as a [human being]. [choosing] up to this point when [it] started out rough. Juggling [so many things] and still manage to be so devoted....

I really feel that _____ has been such a wonderful support during all of this. _______ is a wonderful _____ and a wonderful ______ (love saying that). _______ is right behind me no matter what.

But, being a(n) ______, _______, _______, [human being] makes the pressure so much more intense.

I have done my research.

I feel so positive about my choice....

I feel prepared. I feel supported by ________.

I know [I am] ready.

And god dammit.... I want this. I want this so bad. I want to [have this new experience] right away. I want what any [human being] wants:...gentle ... experience. I see myself experiencing this...gentle [experience].

I am ready to say NO...to anything I feel uncomfortable about. But, I just HATE that I have to do that. I shouldn't feel this pressure to be "normal". I shouldn't have to listen to the scare tactics they give [us] just to benefit them. [Everything] is perfectly fine right now.

To all the ... [human beings] I know. I want you to remember that you have a voice. You are in control of [your experience]. Don't let someone take that away from you. Find the best _________ for you and your experience, and make sure that if you decide to _________ that interventions will likely happen verse[s] [the typical alternatives]. So you MUST be prepared and MUST be knowledgeable. You are in control.

It would be nice to have a normal experience. No [abnormalities, undesired surprises or challenges]. But, I can not take that way. And to be honest I wouldn't. I feel that [my experience] gave me a voice. [It] changed me. [It] made me the [human being] I am today. I will forever be grateful of that.

I feel that this [experience] will be the outcome of the voice I was given. [It] already taught me how to cope with fear. To not be afraid of __________-ing and to believe in myself.

No matter what happens, I know this.... I am [INSERT YOUR NAME].... and I am strong. What ever this new ... experience will be is my experience. And it's courageous and beautiful.

--------END-------

Read the original at: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=10150101354309868&id=665249776

Also, there is a book called "If You Want to Write" by Brenda Ueland, in which you can replace "writing" with any activity you are passionate about. Just cross out "writing" in your mind and insert "racing" -- or whatever you wish. Here's where to find the book on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1935785575/rebeccstmarti-20

Shopping for Clothing

2010-08-26T11:16:00.000-07:00

Amy Dacyczyn (author of the Tightwad Gazette) tells a story of how she taught her daughter to manage money and choose according to her values. Amy said she would contribute funds to buy a certain amount at a thrift store and if her daughter wanted "brand name new" she would have to come up with the "difference" in funds on her own. After being given the choice -- and after reviewing the relative quality of the merchandise -- her daughter noted that she didn't like "new" clothing *that much* more than used. Her daughter even admitted being *equally* satisfied with her thrifty, used purchases than the new alternatives.

I come from a family of Dayton's/Macy shoppers. I don't know if you have this department store in your home town, but it's rather expensive to shop there. Last time I did (~10 years ago), prices looked like this:

pair of jeans = $80-100
sweater = $50-80
blouse = $30-80
pair of socks = $5-10
winter jacket = $75-250

What's interesting is that at my local thrift store, I can buy the same, *exact* name brand merchandise used and in good condition for these kinds of prices:

pair of jeans = $6
sweater = $7
blouse = $5
pair of socks = $0.50
winter jacket = $10-25

That's a pretty big difference! For the price of a typical single item at Macy's, I can have 5-20 items at Arc Value Village...and the money I spend goes to a good cause: providing support services to mentally disabled children and adults -- and not to some rich people who have more than they know what to do with.

As a creative person, shopping this way affords me the opportunity to trade out my wardrobe when I get bored with it. (I usually do this once or twice a year.) Also, when I get a stain on that white blouse or a hole in a sock, I don't feel so bad because the investment is small -- and it can still be used as a rag.

In fact, I got a stain on a white t-shirt near the collar and was irritated for a second, until I remembered that cool 80s style of cutting off the collar of a sweatshirt (Jennifer Beal). So I did this. Sadly, the shirt kept falling off my shoulders. So then, I slit the bugger up both sides to the armpits, cut left and right slits going up both sides, and tied the pieces together to make a fringe-- an idea i'd gotten from another shirt I bought thrift. This tightened up the fit so it would stay up. I love this shirt now more than when I bought it. And even when I schmucked it, I could STILL make something of it.

As a creative person, I also LOVE to find deals and negotiate. It's fun to save money...it's like a game! BTW, Amy Dacyczyn has just short of a million kids under her roof...but neither she nor her husband have to work for "the man" on account of their spending regime. They can build the lifestyle they want.

In addition to saving money, I find being thrifty builds community. Since my aunt knows I love being thrifty (and I also like her sense of style), she sends me a box twice a year of designer clothing -- literally thousands of dollars of merchandise in each box. (Very generous!) I have several friends with whom we share our clothing donation bins before we donate.

And as a last move to pinch the penny around clothing, I always make sure to get my donation slip for the clothes I donate to charitable causes as a tax write-off.

Businesses Spying on Consumers

2010-08-24T16:04:00.001-07:00

by Rebecca St. Martin on Wednesday, August 4, 2010 at 2:26pm

I have noticed lots of hype in the news going on about "businesses using the Internet to spy on consumers." Here's one such article, entitled "The Web's New Gold Mine: Your Secrets" by Julia Angwin:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703940904575395073512989404.html

This negative portrayal of what data-gathering businesses do just plain ticks me off.

"Spying" suggests that there is confidential, personal information that's being used -- more importantly, used against consumers for duplicitous purposes. In reality, businesses are not interested in individuals -- they are interested in markets.

What Angwin describes in her article is what businesses have been doing forever: gathering aggregate data so that they may display more appropriate ads, deliver more interesting opportunities to their audience (market segment) and hopefully, generate more happy customers and become profitable from it. It just so happens that there are newer, faster ways of doing this.

Sadly, the effectiveness of using aggregate statistics from web-based applications remains to be seen, but it's innovative -- not intrusive. Web sites visitors "put out there" what they choose. If they have a problem with how their "data" is being "used," then they can choose to stop participating.

Learn more about the concepts:

Market Segmentation
------------------------------
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marketing#Market_segmentation

Aggregate Data / Aggregate Statistics
------------------------------
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statistics
http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1674995_1683300,00.html?cnn=yes

Usefulness of Aggregate Data
------------------------------
http://jaxn.org/article/the-usefulness-of-aggregate-statistics

For Cat Lovers

2009-10-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

Cat Drinking From the Faucet loves to dip his head all the way under. This is entitled the "Inefficient Drinker." c/o Doris Rubenstein from PDPservices.com

Closer to Fine, Even without a Foot

2009-10-19T06:18:00.000-07:00

Only the footless knows the blessings of the feet.

But then, of course, there are the exceptions of those who have body dysmorphia, who feel that their feet are deeply burdensome. I have a certain disagreement with the word "dysmorphia" because of the "dys-" prefix because by dictionary definition, it means "bad,"

ASIDE: Before you object to my "political correctness," please know that I have only a small, but deep incentive to be politically correct. I belong in large part to a community that abhors how rampant political correctness is -- to the tune of feeling that they are unable to express any new ideas because someone is ready to jump all over them when a word "taken" in the wrong context and spirit. I have great empathy for this frustration because I inherently have a desire to express myself and believe that others share this desire, too. I know what it's like to be verbally attacked because I used a word they were offended by. My incentive to be politically correct is only in the spirit of deeply communicating with people I value -- so that my ideas will be accepted and considered, so that they will respond in kind with their ideas, and so that we can both benefit from the process of knowledge sharing.

Video documentary on body dysmorphia.

My disagreement with the prefix dys- in dysmorphia comes from the ambiguity inherent in the word; it's so easy for people to confuse what the meaning of "bad" is directed at exactly: the person? the condition? the limb?

Don't we as a species have not an obligation, but the honor of helping others achieve their deepest desires and dreams as long as it doesn't harm or burden anyone else?

And then again, how can we be absolutely sure that harm and burden are completely avoided -- ever?

I understand the feelings that people have with body dysmorphia:

The doctor says, "What if, in my best intentions to heal, I proceed to amputate and the patient returns and says they made a mistake -- they want their foot back, and maybe worse, wants to sue me for it." *Notice the fear of losing the life's work.

The religious community says, "If we are supposed to feel grateful with what we already have, how can someone who does not and cannot feel blessed for their foot (no matter how hard they try), fit into our community?" *Notice the directive of "supposed to."

The government says, "We have a commitment to provide aid to those who cannot do for themselves. How do we handle the paradoxical situation where someone would actually become "more able" with the removal of their foot?" *Notice the underlying belief surrounding "ability" and what it means to be "able."

Some folks without a foot might say, "How dare you want your foot removed when I cannot have one of my own!" Others might say, "I can't imagine why you'd want to make your life more difficult, but go right ahead." And still others might say, "Jump on in! The water's just fine." *Notice the varying degrees of contentment with their own situations.

These last people of whom I speak...they are swimming in the pool of my happiest dreams. And my wish for everyone is to have an experience like that.

Closer to Fine (lyrics) -- Indigo Girls.
Closer to Fine (music video) -- Indigo Girls.

Turned Ankle Proves Angels Exist

2009-10-18T14:21:00.000-07:00

I sprained my ankle on wet leaves once....slipped right off of the curb. My husband, Marty, had bugged me about taking my cell phone with me on my walk, and I didn't want to bring it. I was looking forward to some peace and quiet for awhile. We'd had a bit of an argument, then, but I persisted.

Only two blocks from home, and there I was: on the ground, not a soul in sight or within shouting distance and completely unable stand again. I hated the idea of giving Marty the satisfaction of being right about the cell phone.

So instead, I sat quietly for about five minutes before a woman emerged from her home. She said, "I knew there was a reason I wasn't supposed to go to church this morning!" She returned with her roving phone so I could call Marty. By the time he got there, she had me all set up with ice packs and an ace bandage, which she happened to have on hand because her husband worked at North Memorial Hospital.

Of course, when I got home, Marty delivered the "I-told-you-so speech," to which I replied: "I didn't need my phone. One was provided to me."

I went back to the woman's home the following week on crutches to return the ice packs and ace bandage -- and to thank the woman for her help with a bouquet of flowers. After no one answered the bell, I peeked in the window to see that the house was empty! Confused, I turned to hobble back to my car and noticed the "for sale" sign posted in the front yard, now with a "sold" one above it.

The experience in its totality was very magical for me. At the same time, it is a series of pure coincidences that I cannot deny. I am always a little irked when people say that happenings like this are "just" a coincidence. Coincidences are pretty incredible... miraculous even. My objection is partly with the insertion of the word "just." Adding "just" makes the coincidence sound as if "it's not important" -- that the listener to the story is flippantly disregarding the power of the coincidental experience and that it has no meaning whatsoever.

Watch this scene from Finding Neverland, if you will, about the word "just" -- and perhaps you'll better understand what I mean:

Here are some ideas that follow....

Coincidence

agreement; coexistence
a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance: Our meeting in Venice was pure coincidence.
the condition or fact of coinciding.
an instance of coinciding.

accompaniment, accord, accordance, collaboration, concomitance, concurrence, conformity, conjunction, consonance, correlation, correspondence, parallelism, synchronism, union

Synchronicity:

The state or fact of being synchronous or simultaneous; synchronism.
Coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related, conceived in Jungian theory as an explanatory principle on the same order as causality.

accord, coetaneousness, coevality, coincidence, concurrence, conformity, conjunction, contemporaneousness, harmony, order, peace, simultaneousness, synchronicity

Sweet, Kind Person (The woman who helped me.)

One who creates harmony, peace (see synchronicity above)
One who collaborates and corresponds ( see coincidence above)
An angel

Is it so strange that people believe in angels? I ask myself this as readily as I ask my dear friends of the Athiestic and Agnostic persuasions.

Angel

Attendant of God
Sweet, kind person (see previous definition)

God's messenger, archangel, celestial being, cherub, divine messenger, guardian, heavenly being, holy being, seraph, spirit, spiritual being, sprite, supernatural being

Perhaps it is the imagined idea of angels, once an artistic expression -- the white winged being with a halo hovering overhead -- an image that has become so solid in our culture -- that confuses us and separates us from the real qualities of the angel-ic. We become slaves to the form-based image instead of the meaning.

Here is an interesting painting by Finnish artist Hugo Simberg entitled "The Wounded Angel." Depicted here, we see a winged female sitting in white robes with a bandage around her head. Two young boys carry her on a stretcher.

Look at the expressions on each face. The angel looks ashamed, with her head hanging down. The last boy looking out at us -- he appears irritated, inconvenienced, burdened. His eyes meet our directly, almost glaring with a silent fury.

And why shouldn't he be irritated? A messenger of God, injured? How is this possible? If God were really so Great and Powerful, how could this wounding of his Messenger have happened at all? What a burden to have to carry this falsehood -- this contradiction, this lie!

But it is no lie. The angel does exist -- he just doesn't appear in white with wings. We humans have come to decide that for a thing to be true, it has to "look a certain way." For an angel to exist, it must come in flowing white robes and feathers and halo and have a certain degree of "divine power."

Who is angelic here in this painting? I'd put my money on the boy at the front. In black, he dutifully carries the symbol of his faith, eyes softly down but forward. He leads them all to wherever healing is likely to happen.

(Isn't the whole idea of healing miraculous? That our bodies have the capability to self-repair?)

Just as in this painting, a notion of "reality" deceives us and removes us from our direct experiences of life.

And the mysterious woman who helped me during my own time of wounding, only to disappear? Neither did she come with wings. But all the same, she was an angel to me. She offered me a direction to healing. And that was meaningful to me beyond measure.

Communing Around Creativity: Let's Play

2009-06-20T22:34:00.000-07:00

I feel compelled to start a creativity workshop series, to find a community of people who are willing to invest in the development of their most precious asset: their divine ability to create.

Are you out there? You, who often say to yourself, "I wish I would stop vacuuming in my spare time and start making some new art." Or you...you, who hasn't written anything in months because you're too busy looking for a job or too tired out at the end of the day from the job you have. Or you...who are working at your home office and needs to get out, commune and create with others.

Let's create a community of creators -- and practice coming up with fresh new ideas, play with new forms of working and thinking, pull out the paper and scissors and glue and start piecing together the space for new forms and functions. Let's get together and DO!

We can meet weekly at a coffee shop. I'll put together assignments and bring the materials needed to get your mind, hands and heart working in new ways. You bring $10 to each meeting.

Call me if you're interested. 612-423-4342

Holiday Spending

2008-12-15T09:57:00.000-08:00

I think one of my greatest financial successes is due to my decisions about gift-giving, which include buying only items that are:

Consumable, meaning you can eat or use them up, like foods, candles, soap
Locally Produced, say from a local farmer or artist
Used, from thrift stores, garage and estate sales.
Homemade, like treats, artwork or gift baskets I assemble myself with items above

...and by buying these gifts throughout the year instead of in one lump during the Thanksgiving / Christmas season. Most gifts can easily be purchased for $5 or less. I have prepared my friends, family and clients (yes, clients get gifts that fall into these realms also) for this and all seem to be very open-minded about it. I find that I am thinking about the desires of loved ones all year round vs. just at the holiday season, too. So it's a great exercise in spirit.

I used to participate in the extended-family gift exchange, but I found that to be both expensive and contrived. The agreed upon amount was $40-50 for one gift. Everyone would call up grandma who kept a list of everyone's name and 2-3 items that person wants. So essentially, we are all going shopping for each other! Many times, items need to be returned because it's not the right color, fit, style -- whatever -- which means more time at the mall.

I admit that it's fun to exchange gifts, to get a little something in a little package all carefully wrapped. Plus, I felt a little left-out while everyone was unwrapping. To change this, I started a green elephant gift exchange in my extended family.

Like the white elephant gift exchange, the green elephant gift exchange involves getting rid of an unwanted item. Unlike the white elephant gift exchange, the green elephant gift exchange promotes the giving of something that someone might actually want. This means that there are no 5-year old fruitcakes, shriveled apple head dolls, an old shoe or any other obnoxious, truly unwanted object. We have a lot of fun with this.

This is my second holiday season not setting foot into a shopping mall or typical retail outlet. (Come to think of it, I haven't been to one all year, since I buy most of my items at the grocery store, online or from the thrift store.)

I attribute this change in my financial lifestyle to my dear friend, Linda French, who showed me that used gifts are no less delightful from brand new -- in fact they can be more delightful because more thought tends to go into it.

Here's more on the subject...

Family Cuts Down Dramatically on Holiday Spending -- Video
Holiday Spending or Spending Holiday? -- How to Cut Back
Have a tightwad's Christmas -- More on how to cut back.
It's OK to be a tightwad for the holidays -- Feeling better about it and why you should

Seen & Unseen

2008-10-03T13:16:00.000-07:00

'Everything you see has its roots in the unseen world. The forms may change, yet the essence remains the same. Every wonderful sight will vanish; every sweet word will fade, but do not be disheartened. The source they come from is eternal, growing, branching out, giving new life and new joy. Why do you weep? The source is within you and this whole world is springing up from it.'

- Jelauddin Rumi

Anonymous

2008-10-03T12:57:00.000-07:00

I remember (deeply) when my laptop was stolen from a client's facility where I was working. Not knowing who had betrayed me carried an undertow that it could be anybody -- and that current of "anybody" flows quickly into "everybody." It's awful.

I had an experience today of receiving an anonymous gift: a Snicker's bar with a note that says "I appreciate you." Not knowing who had send this lovely affirmation carries an undertow that it could be anybody -- and the current of "anybody" flows quickly into "everybody." It's awesome.

The mysterious is so powerful, so all-encompassing.

Quote

2008-10-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

I found this compelling quote on my friend Laraaji's web site.

Look at all the blind men bashing one another with the stick of intellect! LOVE is the sea where intellect drowns! — Jala al-Din Rumi

Project Agility

2008-06-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

I'm learning all about Agile projects in software development.

Video 1: Seminar

Video 2: Interview

More

DIY: How to Make a Fireball

2008-04-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

How To Make a Fireball. GreenerTea Productions has created a fireball making video. Attempt at your own risk! Summary as follows:

You Need:
100% cotton cloth (from old T-shirt works well),
Scissors,
Cotton String & Needle,
Lighter fluid,
Lighter.

Instructions for Making a Fireball:

Cut strip pf cloth and roll into ball.
Thread needle with 5 feet of string
Poke needle through the cotton ball
Wrap the string around to secure the form in it's ball shape.
Poke needle through the cotton ball again to secure and remove extra
Soak ball with lighter fluid, which will absorb easily. Do not overfill! If you overfill it will get on your hands and will burn them!
Use lighter to light ball. They will burn for a long while.
Hold the ball in your open palm. While holding, take care not to touch orange flame on top where it is very hot.
Turn off by closing your fingers over the top of the ball.

Watch the Video!

Pivotal Mind-Body-Spirit Books

2008-03-03T16:34:00.000-08:00

Here are two books that were pivotal for me in seeing and understanding the mind-body-spirit connection:

Love, Medicine & Miracles by Bernie Siegel, M.D.
Bernie Siegel, founder of ECAP (Exceptional Cancer Patients), shares his experience working with his cancer patients. He has observed how "exceptional patients," patients who have learned to embrace life, to use visualization techniques and to take control of their own wellness, have maximized their success of recovery, healed completely or have lived longer than patients who have not. BUY THE BOOK

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay
Louise Hay emphasises the power of the mind in creating physical health. A helpful chart in the back connects unwell body parts (the "symbol" of the problem) to the emotional-spiritual challenges they represent. By each, she suggests a new belief or "prayer" to help cure the ailment. BUY THE BOOK

The Magic of Math

2007-11-12T20:58:00.000-08:00

When I was in school learning my multiplication tables, we learned via the traditional algorithmic method to solve problems.

I discovered that there are more ways than this one to solve mathematic problems. YouTube.com contains streaming videos that demonstrate how these same kinds of problems can be solved differently. Each method covers a different kinds of learning strengths: spacial, visual, estimation, grouping, and so on.

In the first video, Do the Math, there is no sound. This is particularly powerful because it requires that you pay attention to what is happening. Dr. Richard Feynman, Quantum Physicist, developed this technique to graphically approximate and solve quantum field theory equations that could not be solved in any other fashion. He got Nobel Price in physics for these diagrams.

Feynman's Multiplication Diagram
Feynman's Multiplication Diagram asks
you to represent the place values of integers
with lines representing their numerical value.
The points where the lines cross assist
in finding the final value.

In the second video, Math Education: An Inconvenient Truth, M.J. McDermott explains and criticizes the current state of math education in 4th and 5th grades. She opposes the rigor with which alternative methods of solving math equations are being taught in the classroom. These alternative methods include:

The Cluster Method

The Cluster Method involves dividing
the problem into smaller parts iteratively
which then can be easily calculated.

The Lattice Method The Lattice Method asks learners to fill in a grid
which resembles a lattice (fence) taking 3 steps:
multiply, carry and add. (In this way, it is very
similar to our Traditional Algorithmic Method.)

The Partial Products Method The Partial Placement Method emphasizes
place value and requires a fluency
of multiplying by powers of ten.

Because the traditional algorithmic method tends to produce more accurate results and is definitely more efficient than any one of the other methods shown, I agree that students should be learning this method as the foundation of their studies -- but not as the only way.

Not introducing alternative methods of understanding math -- or anything else for that matter -- impedes some learners from grasping concepts that would otherwise be easily accessible to them. Teaching only one way of doing things, in this sense, is stifling -- even discriminatory of other learning styles. It also keeps us from the creativity of solving new problems that our current methods have caused. Moreover, I don't believe one way of doing something is always the most practical, the most accessible, the most efficient, etc. etc. Drawing from a variety of tools gives people the ability to visualize, understand and solve problems in multiple ways.

Meaningful threads and articles about this video:

Instructivist: A critical look at the progressive education cult.
Patrick Stahlberg's Blog: The blog of a computer scientist and software/electrical engineer. See the Sat Mar 31st entry on Math Education.
Parents Question Math Program: by Rebekah Schilperoort of the Ballad News Tribune.
The Declining Quality of Mathematics Education in the US by Jedidiah of Technocrat.
Everyday Mathematcis Parent Handbook Ann Arbor Schools
Looking Further at Multiplication on the RathionalMathEd Blog by Michael Paul Goldenberg
The Math Forum at Drexel
Partial Products Method - Why Use this Method

Innovation: Room Dividers + Form + Use

2007-11-04T15:00:00.000-08:00

When I think of a dressing screen, I think of the Venetian-style screen, the hidden figure behind showing only shadows between the thin slots before a dress and bloomers are thrown haphazardly over the top. They are are used as room dividers or to create privacy for dressing.

What about one that can be used for a white board?

Dressing screens come in different styles. I discovered the Window Pane Shoji Dressing Screen and a variety of other interesting items derived from the design of wood frame squares, little windows covered with rice paper: end tables, lamps and lanterns.

Traditionally, the Shoji screen are standard door- or wall-sized and are used to section off entire rooms.

Where to Find

Shoji Lamp
Shoji Screen
Shoji White Board
Shoji Screens, Lamps & End Tables
Full-sized Shoji Screen Walls & Doors

Creative (and Safe) Backyard Fires

2007-10-02T20:43:00.000-07:00

So I've been wanting to build a fire pit in my backyard for some time now. There is nothing like the smell of a wood-burning camp fire, people gathering to chat, sing, roast marshmallows and hot dogs -- or just hanging out alone and tending the fire.

Mid-summer, I purchased some lovely blocks from a yard sale and my sweet husband hauled them home. This last weekend, I began the process -- but not before gaining a little wisdom. This post is about my learning and experiences.

My friend, Dianne, tells me:

Build the fire pit 15 feet away from any permanent structure (house, garage, shed, deck, fence, trees, bushes, etc.) I interpret that to mean "15 feet away from anything you'd really hate to see go up in smoke." Seems pretty straightforward.
Never plan your fire pit below any kind of power/phone line.
Call the City! Your city of residence usually provides the guidelines for building a fire on your property. A permit is usually required in urban areas.

The parameters I was given by my City of Robbinsdale were:

The fire pit must be a maximum of 3 feet above ground.
The fire pit must be at least 1 foot below ground
The fire pit must be no more than 3 feet in diameter
A $25/yr. permit fee is required for unlimited recreational fires until December 31st of the year I take out the permit.

Some Safety and Common Sense:

Call before you dig (MN)
Call before you dig (National Campaign)
Never plan your fire pit below any low hanging tree branches.

Dad says:

If I reinforce with any kind of stone, make sure it would be the kind that won't crack with the fire's heat. I hadn't thought of this when I got my blue granite block. He thinks this kind is okay.

Learning while I go:

Reinforcements, reinforcements, reinforcements. I dug the hole on Sunday and it's rained since. The walls are caving in. (It's okay because I need to dig wider to put in the reinforcing stone.)
I dug my hole about 2 feet deep and found that the flames were still tall enough to lick the surrounding grass (made me a little skittish), so I quickly stacked 2 layers of block (approx 1 foot) around the hole. Now I really understand that 3 feet minimum above ground parameter the city gave me!
If you live in a neighborhood with mature trees, plan to pair you shovel with an axe or hatchet. There will probably be roots. I ran into a tree root the circumference of my upper arm.

Materials & Resources that can be helpful:

You can buy a big metal ring designed for this sort of project at Menards. Has some crazy cut out pattern with caribou or something. (Not quite my style, but hey -- it's there.)
DIY Network has some step-by-step plans to building a fire pit, including measuring, preping, setting stone and placing capstones.
The Firepit and Grilling Guru offers some alternatives for fire pits based on what you plan to use your recreational fire for -- plus info about charcoal and firewood.

Alternatives to Fire Pits are:

Chimineas (below left)-- romantic styles (Granite Falls, MN), and traditional styles. They sell traditional ones up in Elk River, MN at a really neat yard shop.
Patio Fire Pits (below middle)-- an above ground fire ring.
Fancy Stuff (below right)-- or you can do something artistic and custom (and a bit more expensive) with gas technologies and tempered glass. My friend Jeff Grundtner designs these.
And more ideas...

Inexpensive Solutions: (You'd just need someone with a truck.)

You can get nice rocks free from farmers who want them out of their field in the spring.
You can get block from demolition sites. They have to pay to haul it away.
Construction companies usually order more product than they need for a project. Some sell the leftovers at cost or simply give it away because they generally aren't interested in warehousing.

Secret Garden in St. Paul, MN -- The St. Paul Cultural Garden

2007-08-20T16:10:00.000-07:00

If it's a secret, I'm interested. So when I saw the article in the Rake Magazine entitled, "The Secret Garden," I knew I'd be going.

Rebecca Stack and I decided that we'd treat ourselves to the night out as a reward for having cleaned our offices -- a momentous task for the both of us -- and we decided to check out the Secret Garden of St. Paul once and for all.

The description in the Rake on where this garden was exactly was about as cryptic as it's actual location. We drove in circles...under a bridge and back again -- like the Rake wanted to keep it secret!

Now knowing the spot, I'd tell you to park at one of the meters in front of the Ramsey County Government Center (Red Brick Building) and, facing it, walk around the right hand side of the building (so you're walking toward the river). If you feel that you've left the "corner" that the Government Center sits on, you're in the wrong place. Here's an address and map:

Ramsey County Government Center East
160 East Kellogg Blvd (at Jackson Street)
St. Paul, MN 55101

And the photo (above), though stunning, was no help in locating it either because the depth and variety of the structures make it seem that there would be something to look for that would make it stick out somehow. Not so. The best you'll do is to look for a very low-to-the-ground, broad, cone-shaped structure. But you'll have to look carefully!

Turns out that this garden was a project of two of my writing mentors from the COMPAS Summer Writing Workshops (et. al.) when I was in Junior High and High School. Alas, the summer program no longer exists.

But this Secret Garden does.

Definitely a must-see for travelers to Minneapolis / St. Paul, MN tourists and residents alike.

David Huber -- Are You Still Out There?

2007-08-17T19:21:00.000-07:00

I got your email via Blogger, but I have no way to contact you. I need your contact info! Or you can call me at 763-535-0880.

Hugs :)

Becky

Cost of Living in the Twin Cities / Minneapolis, MN

2007-08-03T10:11:00.000-07:00

I live in The Twin Cities: Minneapolis / St. Paul, Minnesota (MN), USA. (Technically in a suburb called Robbinsdale, which is on the west border of North Minneapolis.) This post will cover the cost of living in Hennepin County / the West Metro Area, which includes the City if Minneapolis (proper) and suburbs withing a 45 min circumference North, West and South of Minneapolis. I'm not familiar with the cost of living in rural towns or the East side.

UTILITIES

These are what my household bills look like in Robbinsdale (mid-range):

Food per month per person = $100-150

Electricity=$128/mo
*Note on electricity usage: our bill is a bit higher than others because we have at least 2 computers running every day.

Gas (Winter) = $280/mo
Gas (Spring/Fall) = $88/mo
Gas (Summer) = $23/mo

Water/Sewer/Garbage = $65/mo

Single Phone Line (no frills) = $35/mo

Search the Cost of Housing (Purchasing) around the State of MN:
http://msp.themlsonline.com/

Search the Cost of Apartments (Rental) around the State of MN:
http://www.apartments.com

LOW COST

Example Areas in Minneapolis (Longfellow, Central, Camden, and Phillips neighborhoods)

Home Purchase: $35,000 -150,000
(low end here is a definite fixer upper, may have severe damage)

Annual Taxes: $1300-2500

Apartment Rent (1-2 BR): $400-500/mo

MID COST

Example Areas in Robbinsdale, Crystal, Brooklyn Center, North Minneapolis (Camden neighborhood), South Minneapolis (Powderhorn neighborhood), Minneapolis (University of MN Area)

Home Purchase: $200,000-500,000
Annual Taxes: $2000-5000

Apartment Rent (1-2 BR): $600-1000/mo

HIGH COST

Example Areas in Minneapolis (Lake of the Isles, Lake Calhoun, Uptown Area, Downtown high-rise condos), Minnetonka, St. Louis Park, Plymouth

Home Purchase: $500,000-5,000,000
Annual Taxes: $5000-47,000

Apartment Rent (1-2 BR): $1500-3000/mo

ENTERTAINMENT

Fast Food Meal: $2.50-8/person
Sit Down Meal: $4-16/person
Fancy Restaurant: $12-50/person
Science Museum of Minnesota: $15-24 (non-members)
Community Pools: $4-8
Theater Tickets: $15 (rush line)-80
Movie Theater Tickets: $2-8.50
Art Museums: Free (for special days/events) -10
Single Alcoholic Beverage at Lounge, Bar, Tavern: $4-8
Night Club Cover Charge: Free (ladies) - $8
Sporting Event Tickets: $7-110

Born with it: Prodigies, Geniuses & Gifted

2007-05-29T23:39:00.000-07:00

What's beautiful about seeing these, to me, is that these capacities, these potentials exist in us all.

Breakdancing Two-Year Old

Rubik's Cube Pro -- 3 Years Old

Microsoft Certified 12-year old, Kasey Kahn

Identifies Presidents at Less than One Year

3-Year Old Artist Prodigy

11-year Old Singer / Yodeler

Erica, America's Got Talent BEST NEW TALENT LA overall Winner (9 years old)

5/6 year-old Pianist

6 Year Old Singer (News Coverage)-- Heather Martin sings to her brother, Sean, who is in the service

Accordionist & Singer, Hunter Hayes, 5 years old

2/3 year old Entertainer

Dance Dance Revolution Prodigy (5-year old Ryota)

Gifted Arabic Preacher (4 year old named Muslim from Yamen)

Gifted Mathematician
(Okay, maybe the answer to everything is "six"....but she still knows to answer and she knows it's funny. There's something to be said for that....)

Other prodigies include (REMOVED VIDEOS):

Recites Famous Speeches & Has Political / Historical Repertoire at 3- / 6- years old
3-Year Old Musician (with expression!!!!!)
8-Year Old Guitarist

Kid Chin Videos

2007-04-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

Jay's Chin Movies

&

When You're Smilin'

Easter Bunny Chins

2007-04-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

Celebrate your Easter Day with this cute easter bunny song.

Spring Transitions: Moving

2007-03-27T04:04:00.000-07:00

My spring project is moving my office to the main floor. I'm going from 120 square feet to 88 square feet. So to prepare, I've painted the walls and closet bright of our main floor bedroom white (gives the feeling of more space) and redesigned the closet's storage from accommodating clothing to design and office supplies, books and paper.

Capturing a Free, Underused Asset: Sunshine

2007-02-18T11:53:00.000-08:00

Steven Harris, author of Sunshine to Dollars, shows some fantastic resources on using solar energy to heat, cool, grow and cook. Granted some of the ideas are not always convenient, but most are free or inexpensive.

http://www.freesolarpanels.com/

For example, he tells you in his book how to get solar panels and solar glass for free, how to make a solar oven to bake breads and cakes (below), how to build a solar green house, how to construct a hot water heater by using solar energy, how to turn non-potable water into drinking water and how to make ice.

Steven is a professional "Energy Generalist" who has worked with Fuel Cell, Hydrogen, Solar and Biomass energy systems.

The book is definitely meant for hands-on activity. On his site are other books and media concerning the topic of energy.

Innovation: Gift Bags Made from Wallpaper

2007-01-13T10:25:00.000-08:00

I found this "how-to" article on the Twin Cities Green Guide, referencing "How 2 Zine" as the original author. Learn how to make a gift bag from scrap wallpaper. A neat craft idea and money saver.

Cut piece of wallpaper 10 1/4" x 15".

On back side, mark lines with a light pencil as follows:

Crease paper on horizontal and vertical lines.

Fold 1" top horizontal section over and glue in place.

Cut bottom vertical lines to 2" fold (horizontal line).

Put glue on right side of 1" vertical section. Place under wrong side of 3" vertical end section and press to secure.
Arrange bottom section. Fold under 3" pieces first, then fold under 4" sections.
Glude bottom sections so glue does not show on outside.
Punch holes at top and secure with a paper clip that has curly ribbon attached to it.
These bags may be made different sizes by cutting wallpaper pieces various sizes and adjust markings. Keep in mind the following adjustments:
Keep sections 1 & 3 the same width
Keep sections 2 & 4 the same width
Adjust bottom fold-under. Example: If sides are 5", the bottom fold-under should be increased to 3".

I suppose you could check with a company that sells wallpaper to see if they have any outdated swatch books you can have -- that is if you don't have leftover wallpaper from your last wallpaper project.

Meditation: Connecting to the Present Moment Through the Power of Now

2006-12-08T13:26:00.000-08:00

Andre and Judy de Zanger sent me the meditation Judy read at the Creativity Weekend. I don't know what book it comes from, so we'll credit an "Author Unknown" until I find out. It has a lovely rhythm that I have found useful since I first heard it over bowls of breakfast oatmeal and fruits.

Connecting to the Present Moment Through the Power of Now

Take a breath; take a break.
Cultivate the power of the present moment by entering into the holy now.
To do this meditation, just make yourself comfortable. Lie, sit, stand. It doesn’t matter.
Breathe in slowly through your nostrils.
As you breathe in, repeat this inner mantra to yourself: “Just this, here now.”
As you breathe out, repeat again: “Just this. Here now.”

Use this mantra as an inner form of prayer or chant of contemplation and meditation.
Inhale….Just this, here now.
Exhale….Just this, here now.

There is nothing but this moment.
This sacred moment. Just this, here now.
Let everything else subside, and just go with the natural flow of things, left just as they are. Trust it.
There is no greater miracle than this. Just this. Here now.
There is nowhere else to go, nowhere else to be than just this, here now.
This is the moment we’ve been waiting for.
This is the great crossroads of past and future.
This is the goal of our journey. Just this, here now.

There is nothing extra to get rid of and nothing missing that we need to find just this glorious, radiant, abundant here….now.

Right here is how we find ourselves, just as we are. Just this.
Right here is where eternity and infinity converge in the present moment.
Right here is the gateway to infinity, to the timeless. Just this, here now.

This is the eternal moment, the mystical instant, the timeless time beyond time and space yet totally, precisely present. Just this, here now.

Don’t miss it.

The Belief System: The Most Fundamental System of All

2006-12-07T08:53:00.000-08:00

LOOKING AT BELIEF

Over the summer, my pal, Rebecca Stack (the other Rebecca), saw that I was stuck in a pattern of suffering and meaninglessness. My husband and I were quarrelling about the same old things -- over and over. She introduced me to A Course in Miracles, a self-study guide on erasing erroneous, unhelpful, unhealthy beliefs and instilling and employing more truthful, useful and positive beliefs. That sounded pretty good.

So, I bought the book. I flipped through each of the lessons, reading only the main idea in each lesson, which is in bold at the top of the lesson. I shook my head here and there, but mostly nodded to myself and decided that I could see where the ideas went and then I put the book down. I thought that was enough. I "got" it. The direction it takes the student is from suffering to a belief that the world is full of love -- and therefore is filled with miracles. Brilliant! Has some holes, but on the whole, great!

Well, what I "got" was the main idea, the essence -- but it turns out I did not "get" the real substance. Rebecca said, "Beck, you need to practice these lessons, not just read them."

"Oh, of course," I thought. This is the difference between thinking and doing -- the difference between book learning and experience -- or the difference between reading about a Law of Physics and conducting an experiment. So why not conduct a little experiment...

PRACTICING BELIEF

My first attempt at study was rocky. I found myself reading a lesson though and arguing the concept. For example, in reading the first lesson,

Nothing I see in this room [on this street,
from this window, in this place] means anything.

"What can the author possibly mean that nothing means anything?! That isn't true!" I began writing comments in the margins: "What about ___ or _____!" I felt very passionate while writing these notes. I took the ideas to others, and they seemed to think I certainly made some pretty good points to the contrary.

I couldn't get past the feeling that what the author wanted me to do was ignore truth. I continued to write notes in the margin until I finally grew tired of it and put the book down. I proceeded to lose the book among papers and other miscellany. My expiriment failed.

Naturally, Rebecca asked for a report. "How's the Course coming?" she asked.

"It's not," I confessed.

BELIEFS UPON BELIEFS

What I can see today is that I approached A Course in Miracles with Free Will -- a belief in itself. Without this belief, there would be nothing I can do to change anything. That's not very appealing. Whether or not my belief in free will contains complete truth (1), it serves me in being able to explore the ideas and lessons in A Course in Miracles.

Beliving in Free Will precedes the belief that I can choose how I experience life, and that I could choose a life that contained more meaning and less suffering -- not just for me, but for others as well. I would very much like to take Ghandi's advice and be the change I want to see in the world. However, the idea of Free Will was what made it sensible for me to even buy the book, let alone read it.

THE IMPORTANCE OF THE QUESTION

For months, Rebecca shared her own story, and illustrated the patterns she saw and how the lessons in A Course in Miracles applied. The more examples I had of these lessons working, the more I came to believe that there was something missing.

And there was something missing. My behavior exhibited how, by scribbling notes in the margins about my disagreements, I was diving immediately into skepticism. It wasn't that there was something missing in the book. Turns out I was missing something.

It wasn't until Rebecca and I shared one of life's mysterious misunderstandings between us, and she applied a lesson. I got to see a real life example applied -- in action and my own behavior resulting -- an experience. I got to see how quickly peace can come about from the work she's done. She was later able to tell me the story of that experience we shared and what lesson she applied. So I knew for a fact that the results of the experiment favored The Course as Rebecca calls it. It works. What was I missing?

And then one day, Rebecca and I were sitting at my dinning room table. We were sharing stories about how we've each been "left out" in one way or another. And she said, "I know I'm fun and smart, but I couldn't get why [a particular crowd] couldn't see it in me."

AHA! WHAT WE LOOK FOR, WE WILL FIND

I was asking the wrong question all along. I was asking, "is this lesson true?" instead of "What is the truth in this lesson." Just like the [crowd] asked themselves, "Is Rebecca fun and smart?" instead of "What has Rebecca got that is fun and smart in her" and taken the time to be curious about her.

I was looking for holes to feed my skeptical mind. I wasn't looking for truth that would feed my spirit. I noticed how black-and-white the first question is -- you can only answer yes or no -- and how open the second is. A person could write a novel.

MY PROGRESS

I am currently challenging old beliefs that appear to serve me. Just because a belief serves me does not mean it is truthful or positive or healthy for me or others around me. For example, suppose I'm driving along the highway and a driver cuts me off, I might believe he is a self-centered asshole, which makes me comparitively thoughtful and conscientious. It makes me feel good about myself; and therefore, it serves me -- or at least it appears to.

In actually, no negative beliefs serve me. It limits the world I live in. It requires another opposing entity for me to express who I am. It doesn't serve the driver or anyone else in the world for me to carry around the belief that some people are just like that. Holding on to a negative belief makes the world more ridgid and more difficult for me and others to operate in.

Furthermore, the belief that the driver is a self-centered asshole is simply not true. Maybe he was rushing to the bedside of his dying wife. Maybe he just didn't see me there and made a mistake.

Or maybe he was being a self-centered asshole. Either way, to see someone in a certain way puts them in a box so that we are unable to see their true self: what wonder they might become.

So, I've made a total committment to examining my beliefs. And it is the most difficult, most rewarding work I've ever done.

Thanks, Rebecca [Stack]

(1) I actually have a sense that Determinism contains truth. It is certainly possible that I was created to believe in Free Will. My husband, a philosopher himself, has brought to my senses the differentiation between the possible and the probable. Science seems to be the key to the probable (what we can see, what is most simple) -- as in Ockham's razor -- and Spirit, the key to the possible (what we cannot see, what could be even simpler than what we first thought). All I need to do is watch, Contact, one of my favorite movies to see the Truth contained in both philosophies.

Pet Rats

2006-12-01T22:26:00.000-08:00

I met a woman via email from Freecycle.org who was looking for a safe, new home for her son's pet rat, and I jumped at the chance....a little too soon for everyone else in my life. In any case, the conversation that transpired was very interesting and informative. I thought I'd share it here:

---------------------------------
Wed, 29 Nov 2006

Laura (cc: Dianne),

I should have asked if a rat was okay...and unfortunately, despite my explaining how smart and cute they are, I received an absolute "no."

...I'll copy this message to a friend of mine, Dianne, who has been a rat owner in the past. Maybe she'll be interested.

Meanwhile, Good Luck!

Rebecca
---------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------
07:34 AM 11/30/2006

Thank you Rebecca. People don't realize that rats are smart and very clean pets.

Laura
------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------
Thu, 30 Nov 2006

Laura,

Rats don't have a very good reputation, do they? Normally when I think of rats, my first thought turns to "rat-as-pest-infesting-dirty-house" or the Hollywood portrayal -- which is unfortunate. When you said rats were clean animals, I asked myself, "Are they?" (I suppose that's kind of anthropocentric of me) ...and then checked my experience. Dianne's ratswere not dirty at all. But of course, rats who have everything they need to live comfortably with care and love are clean animals.

We'd be kind of ishy too if we were outdoors all of the time, had to scrounge for our food and had to compete with lots of others just like us for the same stuff.

I crinkled my nose at them once upon a time, too. My first up close experience was a white rat with bright red eyes, long snouts and naked scaled tails kind of creeped me out. This one also had a history of biting.

So I completely understand anyone's hesitation...

Dianne introduced me to her pet rats (who have long since died). Her rats were much more attractive -- brown fur andfuzzy tails. I found them to be very fun, curious, adventurous creatures -- and not all that frightening. When I got up the nerve to pet one and then to hold it, my feelings changed. They are kind of like little monkeys....

Ever since, I've wanted one. But I've had cats, and I suspected there would be problems -- mostly from the cats' territorial perspectives.

Have you ever known cats and rats to get along?

Rebecca
---------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 30 Nov 2006 12:40:02 -0800 (PST)

My son's rat Puffy will get nose-to-nose with the cats and ride on the dog's back. When my older son was little we had a pet hooded rat too, so when my youngest wanted one I didn't even hesitate...actually this is his second rat...he is 12 now. It is too bad that you can't take Poopsie, she needs someone and someplace less stressful.

Laura
------------------------------------------------------------------

The Wisdom of Birds and Mice

2006-12-01T21:13:00.000-08:00

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

let it go -- the poem by e.e. cummings

2006-11-25T13:03:00.000-08:00

let it go-the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise-let it go it
was sworn to
go

let them go-the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers-you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go-the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things-let all go
dear
so comes love

Human Dynamics -- "STAR" Method Improves Marriage Communications

2006-11-24T20:29:00.000-08:00

My friend, Jonathan, taught me a method from human dynamics called STAR AR. The accronym stands for: Situation, Task, Action, Result and Alernative Result.

This method is used to:

interview candidates for a new job (aka "behavioral interviewing")
determine the performance of an employee
prepare a team for a new project

He taught me how I might use it to improve communication in my marriage.

Situation
Describe the situation or problem.
What does the scene look like to an objective viewer?
Who, What, Where, When
Task
Identify the task(s) that need(s) to be completed.
What items with what parameters would you put on a checklist?
What
Action
Identify the actions needed to complete the task(s).
What needs to be done?
How
Result
Describe the transformed situation.
What does the outcome or solution look like?
Why

One of the more mild problems I've had in my marriage is to get my husband to rinse his dishes if he's not planning to wash them right away. I could nag him. I could plead. I could tell him that he "never listens to me" or that "if I've told him once I've told him a thousand times...." But men don't always understand the emotion around what is going on with women. The purpose of the STAR Method, Jonathan says, is to remove emotion from the equation. As in this example:

Situation: "The dishes have dried food on them that is hard to scrub off."
Task: "Please rinse them after you've finished eating."
Action: "When you do it...
Result: "...washing the dishes will be easier and go much more quickly."

By removing emotion, you lessen the likelihood that old complaints come up to burden the current situation. This is not to say that emotions are not important. It simply reduces the information to what both parties can experience and agree on.

It is possible that the action taken does not produce the expected result, so he calls this an:

Alternative Result

For example, maybe Marty did rinse the dishes and not all of the food came off. Or maybe he simply forgot that he agreed to do the Task. Or maybe he didn't think I wanted him to handle the dishes that were there right now in addition to future dishes.

In the case that there is an Alternative Result, the requesting party must be more specific about the Task and add details to clarify.

Thanks for the new system Jonathan!!

I'll post again to see how this works in practice.

Other resources:

STAR method for New Graduates to tell a story of your experience in Job Interviews
http://web.mit.edu/career/www/guide/star.html
STAR Method for Job Seekers
http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/compet/skillquest.htm
STAR Method as an "Acronym that Works"
http://interview.monster.com/articles/acronyms/

Keywords:

husband wife marriage communication communications spouse spousal fight arguement argument arguing argues fights fighting communicate, STAR, star, STAR AR, star ar, acronym acronyms jargon marital arguments arguing always arguing never always my husband never my husband always my wife never my wife always improve communication

Hello World: Video Email & Web Conferencing Technical, Business & Consumer Review

2006-04-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

I recently have become aware of a company called Hello World. Hello World provides video email and web conferencing (webcasting). I've read a lot of posts from technical people wondering what others think about it, so I thought I'd take a moment to share with you my knowledge.

In the past 4 weeks, I've spoken with six (6) reps from Hello World. The first, I met at the Event Planner's Expo. The second was a cold call. The third was the caller's supervisor. And the final 3 were personal friends of mine.

I had my first experience using my everyday email: Eudora. The rep sent me an email with her streaming video email "attachment" -- not really an attachment, but a link to a file on the server where the streaming could begin. Unfortunately, the link did not work and the images within it were broken. After two hours of troubleshooting, she asked if I had another email address to which she could email the video. I gave her my web-based email account with Yahoo!Mail where I was able to view the email video sample.

I thought, "Hey, this is pretty neat! A great tool for someone who wants to send a very personalized message by email."

When I began to ask to ask some basic technical questions about the web conferencing part of the service (e.g. How many simultaneous users will a basic account support?), however, she was puzzled. We partied in someone who could help.

This person (person #3) gave me the same "pitch" as the first two -- tried to impress me with "we're having a conversation with Best Buy." I had to explain that doing business with Best Buy doesn't impress me. He tried to overcome my objections and finally came to one that I could really take to heart, but by this time, I could sense he was "working me."

As it turned out, real answers to questions were not easy to come by. As a web consultant for small businesses and Fortune 500 companies, questions like these can't be halted with "I don't know." So after the call (and after 3 friends already involved contacted me), I did my homework.

Here are some important facts:

*When I finally got the technical details, I learned that their system actually supported 6 users, not 25 as was promoted by 4 of the 6 people I spoke with. They were *planning* on being able to support 25 at the next release.

*Hello World is not actually the company providing the technology. Hello World is the 3rd tier below the actual providers: a company called Razorstream.com for which very little information is available on their web site. Vmdirect2.com is the 2nd tier. These tiers represent levels of a Multi-level Marketing (MLM) structure -- a "network marketing" structure -- or pyramid scheme.

*Hello World is holding a conference in Las Vegas. (Why not hold it by web conference?)

*I've been contacted by 6 different people in a matter of 3 weeks about this technology, which means they are growing very rapidly.

Here is my overall estimation:

Hello World Not so Wise for a Business Market
Business-wise, the video email service offering from Hello World is not adequate:

In order to use the video email services, you receive a helloworld.com email address. A business cannot benefit from the brand that their own web site domain offers them.

Customer service is, ironically, by form, not video mail, video chat, or even plain chat.

Why not just pick up the phone?

Rapid growth is one of the dangers of small businesses and usually result in a few things:

1) Little Razorstream.com is going to have trouble keeping up with the demand and the service will suffer.

2) The market will be saturated, making any business (becoming a sales rep) investment worthless.

Hello World Better for a Consumer Market
For consumers, the video email service offering from Hello World is more appealing. It's fun to use. However, web conferencing services would require you to sell the services to your loved ones. So if this doesn't bother you, it sounds okay.

My total assessment is that Hello World is a get-rich-quick, MLM scheme, which I don't prefer to patronize either as a consumer or as a business person.

Even though I like the services, I'm willing to pay plenty more for a company who is willing to be responsible for their own offering and not sail on the enthusiasm and innocence of their referral marketers and customers.

Other Links of Interest:

Review by Karen Gedney

Shoe Tree: University of Minnesota, West Bank

2006-03-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

Last Friday after bowing out of a bad day at work, I called up my niece, Kari, at her new on-campus apartment to see if she would show me this tree she mentioned awhile back.

Apparently, on the University of Minnesota West Bank, there is a shoe tree -- a tree full of shoes. (A shoe tree? This I have to see!)

I hope that my travels both here in my home of Minneapolis, Minnesota and wherever my adventures take me across the globe lead me to things like this.

I think cultural anonomlies like this one are more fascinating than any tourist location -- these off the beaten bath treasures that are unexplainable and awesome expressions of human creativity.

Lap Cat

2006-03-16T05:20:00.000-08:00

Misty was playful this morning. I love kitties. Of course, she's not really a kitty any longer. She's about 14 years old now. That's older than me in human years! But, she's still my baby. Baby Misty.

Exploring Grapefruit

2006-02-23T23:53:00.000-08:00

I never knew that grapefruit could be an adventure. Today, while skitting through Bylerly's, I noticed that there are more than one type of grapefruit and wondered what the difference was.

I don't remember what all the types of grapfruit there were, but I bought one of each and had myself a little taste test when I got home.

As I gingerly sliced each grapefruit into their domes, I was thinking about how clever the grapefruit spoon was and wondered who invented it.

Some interesting facts:

It seems that the grapefruit spoon is a derivative of the "spork."

Types of grapefruit, explained by The Fruit Pages and Dole

Fanona, my beloved massage therapist, identified that I had a swollen liver -- the result of eating too much grapefruit.

In the photo, I've arranges the grapefruit so they're ordered from tangy (left) to sweet (right). The first graepfruit I tasted was the strange fleshy-feeling one (#3). Holding it in my hand, I wondered if there were any fruit in there at all because the peel was so spongy. Turns out the formation and orientation of the sections are all over the place! In order to get all of the "meat" out of one chamber, I had to clean out several others.

Both the original slices and the remains of the grapefruit (after I had my way with them) produced some lovely sights:

DeCluttering the DeClutterable

2006-02-22T12:39:00.000-08:00

My office is a mess. "Einstein's Refrigerator," one of the bathroom books, somehow made it in here. And there's jar of Gorp I juggled from a half box of raisins and a jar of salted peanuts. My digital camera threatens to disappear between my monitors. It will likely become lost for a month or so...lost like the Cultural Creatives Business Network's cash box and markers. Maybe they are back there.

Nope.

Also, an unfinished holiday gift -- one of my handmade projects gone awry: a bead bag made from Japanese seed beads, whose lip is off by just one bead.
There is a scale I use for small packages after I discovered it wasn't useful for Marty's home brewing activities. There are papers: a stack piled neatly by the blue box with drawers of paperclips, tacks, file tabs, staples, postage stamps, clamps and rubber bands; the rest are strewn about the floor, desktop, and shelves, lying casually with magazine clippings, rocks (yes, rocks), receipts and business cards.

When I begged her to come over and help me de-clutter, Linda said, "You should really find out why this keep happening to you..."

Mostly, I think it's because I don't want to clean it up. Somehow, it seems like a waste of energy. I'm one of those "Creative Types," Cat says.

I do: I like things clean and orderly. I like to know where everything is. I like lots of light and space.

So Linda wants me to have a system in place so she won't have to come over when my order has been derailed. And I just want her to endulge me twice a week.

Mom used to say that I'd better make a lot of money so that I can have someone clean up after me all of the time. I think I should make "just enough."

First Thoughts -- Blank Thoughts

2006-02-22T09:54:00.000-08:00

A blank screen. Like a blank sheet of paper in writer's group with no writing exercise. The rule becomes to write about not being able to write until you can think of something. Yes, write until something comes to mind.

Proof that even the mundane can be interesting.