Thursday, March 31, 2011


I've been examining these concepts for awhile now and am interested in how other people think about them...I'd love to revise based on my new understandings. So make me a liar, find me the holes -- I won't be offended.

Any other terms you think might be interesting to play with in this realm of investigation and human-truth seeking? POST!

FAITH demands no proof, exists outside the realm of proof. It's strictly spiritual and personal. It is believing something without question or doubt. It is absolute. (e.g. Everything will be okay. Such and such WILL happen.)

"Faith is a substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
Hebrews 11:1

KNOWING is a worldly experience. Knowing is mental and not spiritual. It involves facts -- something that can be agreed upon through repeated experimentation and objectivity. (e.g. scientific knowing: I know when I let go of this pencil, it will drop to the floor because of gravitational force. e.g. personal knowing: I know that I like chocolate because every time I taste it, I am pleased.)

HOPE involves some worldly experience (senses, science, measurement, history, personal history) -- enough proof and enough doubt to keep us from faith. (e.g. I hope my husband isn't cheating on me. He has these certain behaviors which make me believe that he's cheating...but I can't be sure, I don't have all the facts.")

TRUST is faith built on worldly experiences and is personal and scientific. (e.g. personal trusting: I have seen John behave in a certain way enough times under certain circumstances that I can expect that John will behave the same way again under those same/similar circumstances. My friend has betrayed me by doing x,y,z; therefore, my trust has been breached. e.g. scientific trusting: I don't trust this plank to support me walking on it because the wood is flimsy and bends when I step on it; i've stood on flimsy things before and I have fallen.)

WANT is something that comes from our humanity (mind, body and emotion), something we long for, something we *will* to achieve, something ego-based/selfish. Wanting often creates action toward achievement of an outcome/result. (e.g. I want my grandmother to heal from cancer" I start looking up remedies and treatments. I want my husband to hug me more often or initiate fun things to do. I want to learn Japanese so I can feel smarter or so I can visit the country and communicate effectively.) Wants are a means to an end.

WISH is something that we want to magically appear/happen, but have no energy to put any effort into it or feel/know we have no control over. (e.g. I wish my grandmother would live forever. I wish I would win the lottery. I wish she wouldn't judge me so harshly. I wish for world peace/domination. ;) I wish I had a hamburger RIGHT NOW.

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Monday, March 07, 2011

The Meaning of VAL-


- How can we obtain and sustain meaningful, long-lasting relationships without access to other-validation?


Word Unit: val- valid-, vale-, -vail, -valent, -valence


Latin Meaningvalere, to be strong, to be well, to be worth; strong; power, strength; and "fare well" [go with strength]


Words (Common): valid, validate, valor, availabie, evaluate. equivalence, prevail, prevalent, convalescent, ambivalent, valentine, valient, invaluable/value/devalue/overvalue/undervalue.  Valentine?







- When we are validated, others express our value to them. Conversely, when we validate others, we express our value in them.


- When we self-validate ("I am good at x." or "I can y." or "I place a z quality or value or positive judgement on myself."), we are both strengthening ourselves and reclaiming our own sense of worth -- but only in our own minds in order to regulate negative emotions. Our own minds are a separation from the rest of the world's experience of us. Self-validation is a self-preservation/self-defense mechanism and not always aligned with other's perceptions of us -- whether their perceptions are accurate or not.


Recent Expressions Delivered to Me:

Volo, non valeo. -- I am willing but unable.

Vale. -- Goodbye.

Aeternum vale. -- Farewell forever.

Vive valeque, -- Live and be well.


Ambivalence, Ambivalency

1. Behavior resulting from two incompatible motivations, often taking the form of a mixture of the two motivational tendencies.

2. The presence of two opposing ideas, attitudes, or emotions at the same time.

3. A feeling of uncertainty about something due to a mental conflict.




Human Values (what humans value), according to one man that appeal to me:


The Value of Love, Respect, Trust, Communication of one man that appeal to me:


Christy's Prompt / My Challenge:

Southwest Airlines has three values:

A Warrior Spirit

A Servant’s Heart

A Fun-LUVing Attitude



The Values I Posted to Christy's Prompt

Personally: True Love, Meaningful Work, Life-long Learning/Adventurous Spirit.

Business (Meaningful Work): Conscientious Decision-Making (People, Planet/Profit), Equal Energy Exchange, Caring & Creative Atmosphere.


What I want to believe again:

Vita non est vivere sed valere vita est.

Life is not [just] to live, but life is to be strong, vigorous.

Life is more than merely staying alive.


Prompted by conversation with Jo Baer, challenge by Christy Morell-Stinson, meeting with Amy Engenberger, ongoing struggle with the value of DBT and other self-help systems with Leslie Scaramuszzo.

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About Passionate Topics

About Passionate Topics, originally posted Thursday, February 3, 2011 to FB

It amazes me that when we communicate passionately about a topic, it almost doesn't matter what the topic is! that there is some raw, human truth in the mix that is hidden there for everyone. And this is one of those communications.

Thanks for the inspiration, Sisters:
Written by Sasha Diez
Copyedited by Rebecca St. Martin
Contributed by Sarah Rose


Being [this way] again makes me feel a certain kind of pressure. Every moment people asking when ["this"] or if ["that"]. Having to ... ________ ... and not ____________. I feel this pressure to please others or to be..."normal".

My first experience was so unfortunate. And although [it turned out positively,] I feel this experience that [others] should have was taken away from me with no choice.

Some argue telling me that it doesn't matter or I should let it go. Or some just don't care to understand what that would feel like.

I am pretty proud of the things I have done as a [human being]. [choosing] up to this point when [it] started out rough. Juggling [so many things] and still manage to be so devoted....

I really feel that _____ has been such a wonderful support during all of this. _______ is a wonderful _____ and a wonderful ______ (love saying that). _______ is right behind me no matter what.

But, being a(n) ______, _______, _______, [human being] makes the pressure so much more intense.
I have done my research.
I feel so positive about my choice....
I feel prepared. I feel supported by ________.
I know [I am] ready.

And god dammit.... I want this. I want this so bad. I want to [have this new experience] right away. I want what any [human being] wants:...gentle ... experience. I see myself experiencing this...gentle [experience].

I am ready to say anything I feel uncomfortable about. But, I just HATE that I have to do that. I shouldn't feel this pressure to be "normal". I shouldn't have to listen to the scare tactics they give [us] just to benefit them. [Everything] is perfectly fine right now.

To all the ... [human beings] I know. I want you to remember that you have a voice. You are in control of [your experience]. Don't let someone take that away from you. Find the best _________ for you and your experience, and make sure that if you decide to _________ that interventions will likely happen verse[s] [the typical alternatives].  So you MUST be prepared and MUST be knowledgeable. You are in control.

It would be nice to have a normal experience. No [abnormalities, undesired surprises or challenges]. But, I can not take that way. And to be honest I wouldn't. I feel that [my experience] gave me a voice. [It] changed me. [It] made me the [human being] I am today. I will forever be grateful of that.

I feel that this [experience] will be the outcome of the voice I was given. [It] already taught me how to cope with fear. To not be afraid of __________-ing and to believe in myself.

No matter what happens, I know this.... I am [INSERT YOUR NAME].... and I am strong. What ever this new ... experience will be is my experience. And it's courageous and beautiful. 


Read the original at:

Also, there is a book called "If You Want to Write" by Brenda Ueland, in which you can replace "writing" with any activity you are passionate about. Just cross out "writing" in your mind and insert "racing" -- or whatever you wish. Here's where to find the book on Amazon:

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